everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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