she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
