Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
