1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
