I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
