I could have mohawked her pubes.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
