bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
