summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
