Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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