Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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