The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
