You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
