Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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