I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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