I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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