My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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