I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Two words: nipple clamps
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