Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
do herpes really smell.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
