I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
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