she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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