I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
