I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
