guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
