i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
