Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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