i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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