She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
