Will you blow on my dice?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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