i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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