i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You made out with two different species that night
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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