Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
