just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
