I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
