I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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