what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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