i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
