how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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