Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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