Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
