my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
