Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
