I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
