She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
