Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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