True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
