3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
