she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
