Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
