the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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