Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
